And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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