My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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