You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
pray to the hookup gods
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
