I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
