Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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