can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Randomize
