after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
