I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
