He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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