why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
