Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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