dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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