And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im holly from the hills drunk
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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