Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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