My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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