u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
