I hate all girls vehemently.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
