I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
