If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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