And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
