A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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