Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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