I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
