at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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