if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
