can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
