yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
