In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
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