iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
