Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
