She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
