Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
