I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
