Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm at about main and main street
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
