don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
