I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
