Pants 0. Shit 1.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
