Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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