Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
