I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
