Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
