so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize