My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
