about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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