SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Is it because I queefed?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
