I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize