miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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