What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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