I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
