So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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