So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
