I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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