Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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