Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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