i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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