So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
