you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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