Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
