how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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