He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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