Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
