areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
