I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
