At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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