True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
