Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
