Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
