I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
why is half of my head shaved?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
