I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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