its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The struggles of a small town man whore
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
