My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize