Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I cockslap morals
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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